Toilet Trap...momma's wet tushy April 06 2013

 

Consider yourself forewarned.  It will happen and sooner than you think.  You bring that beautiful baby boy (sorry moms, this only works with boys) home from the hospital and you never imagine that so soon in his sweet, short life as he begins to reach his milestones, he will begin to go over to the dark side and start chartering the course of your demise…trapping you in the toilet.  In the best of circumstances, it will happen during the course of your day, but many butt soaked moms will tell you differently.  You will be dead asleep because you have finally got your young lad convinced that getting up in the middle of the night on multiple occasions makes mommy look like the trainer for the Wicked Witch of the West.  You will be slumbering through that dream about that Magic Mike guy and your insides will get giddy and remind you that you have to go to the bathroom.  Then it happens…..your sweet, warm cheeks are no longer hovering above the water, but IN the water of the same toilet your little sailor used right before bed.  You are left to be sucked in and dangling over a hole that you didn’t think would accommodate your cute little mommy tush.  Your knees will be scrapping your earlobes as you try and move back and forth to attempt a dismount worthy of making world class gymnasts jealous.

After cleaning up and making our way back to bed, you will certainly be forever on the lookout for toilets left in the “open for business” stance.   No amount of training will convince them that courtesy and respect dictate that when girls (and moms) are in the house, the toilet seat should remain down. Your middle of the night strategy shifts.  You may move houses to afford you the luxury of a “master bath” or you may cease all beverages past the dinner meal in an effort to conform the bladder into having new hours.  It won’t work.  Those little sailors have a hankerin for using mommy’s facilities, whether she knows it or not.  Mommy eventually learns too.  She learns that it is a big hole and nobody hears her screams of help and she tends to remain in a room by herself with no offers of retrieval.  Huh?  Mom may soon come to enjoy this time of escape and continue to shot out a “help me” on occasion, as not to throw them off their game and think that she has discovered the best hiding place in the house….several inches down in a porcelain commode, with no one around to offer assistance.  This, that at first was hideous and wet, is now a wonderful and quite place to escape.  So laminate your magazines, as they will be easier to read down in that big hole, but hey…at least you get to read them.