The Spring Cleaning of Me April 11 2013

 

There’s just something about this time of year.  Maybe it is has to do with spring and the way that everything in nature is tearing away the old and growing anew.  Maybe it’s all of the new baby calves and foals that I see each day as I make my winding way down those beautiful country roads. Maybe it’s the story of Easter and the resurrection of Jesus and the hope that death is just a word.  But most probably it’s from the chaos that beats in the heart of my house on any given day that children are home and bored.  Like the changes I see around me, I too want to be reborn and transformed into something new and fresh.  While some may use spring as a time to whip their body into shape for cute little jeweled tanks and swimsuits, I am old and have lived through enough collapsed attempts at body transformations that I am moving on to something with more purpose…a life less anxious and stressed. The realist in me knows I will never be carefree and stress deprived, but by taking baby steps to tweak some inner makings of me, perhaps those little cherubs inside the house would take note and recognize their own need to simmer down a tad.

I’ve heard it said that it takes roughly 30 days for the brain to process a change in routine and formulate a new habit.  Considering all of my 30 day increments for the rest of my life are already overscheduled, I might as well use the next 30 days to dive right in and give it a whirl.  I’ve formulated a plan. I want to be more calm and joy filled.  I want to snap less and cheer more.  I want to remember the important stuff.  I want to remember that the important stuff is people and not stuff.  Just thinking about this plan is causing me great stress and anxiety.  Taking time for me and making this change will inevitably take time away from someone else in my family.  I will make myself a priority.  This journey of transformation will be hard, simply because I am not wired for it.  I see it as though I have had my time in the sun (and a good time indeed) and now it is my time to grow my cherubs into the true angels that they should be. 

The plan is to start small.  Certainly I can accomplish something if it is easy to begin with.  I will carve out 15 minutes of each day for me.  I envision lingering on a park bench under the sun as I listen to the kind of music that once made me happy and didn’t have off key voices singing in attempted harmony.  The reality is that this time will most likely be spend hiding behind a closed door (probably the bathroom) with cotton balls in my ears to muffle the sounds that remind me I am 15 minutes away from returning to my referee duties.  Nonetheless, those 15 minutes will be mine. 

I will be honest with myself.  Each week I will find 15 more minutes to write down what really sent me flying that week.  The good, the bad and the ugly…it will be addressed on paper and honestly evaluated for my eyes only.  I will give myself permission to have negative thoughts on the things that didn’t work during the week.  At the end of my time, I will march to the shredder and destroy any evidence of that negativity and have a mental take away of what will work better the following week.

I will live in the moment and let unimportant things fall and fail.  I am a mom, so the fruits of my self will never be in that category. Others can keep their judgements of me as I simply don’t have time to shoulder their negative thoughts too. 

Adding my kids to the mix of my plan will help me add amusement and levity to my day.  Surely I can find 3 occasions within my day to lighten the load and be silly with the 3 most valuable players on my team.  At their age, finding humor in the day is easy.  Talk about body parts or body products and it is on!

I want to harvest their ability to see life as simple, fun and fresh.  As the new me emerges from my enlightenment, I want to be a new source of positive influence on my kiddos.  Instead of peering into the room and seeing a short fused image of me, I want to look in and see laughter and love and feel the presence of peace.   Yes, the transformation of me will be difficult and I may be easily swayed to walk away.  But throw the lives of my cherubs into the mix and the game changes.  I must do the transformation for them, as they are my greatest blessings and so deserving of a new me.

So begins the spring cleaning of me.